The secrets we get in our mailbox are fresh, frank, and REAL. Today’s is especially hard to read and will make you cry like we did.
We moms have stories to share. We have things to get off our chests. There is NO JUDGMENT here. And best of all, there are NO NAMES. This is your way to confess anonymously what is driving you bonkers, what you’re hiding from your BFFs, and what’s really in your heart. We are moms. We are with you. Tell us your story.
When Mother’s Day is not for you
Mother’s Day is wonderful for many people. It’s a day to celebrate your mom and think about all the ways she’s made your life great. But Mother’s Day can also be a really painful day. When you have a mom who is abusive or emotionally unavailable this day is a coarse reminder of what you’re missing. You’re missing out on the Hallmark version of Mother’s Day. I used to stand in the card section wondering which card to get because none of them fit. They all talk about how much your mom has always loved you unconditionally, had your back, and been your biggest supporter. But if your mom hasn’t been those things. What if your mom called you a “bitch” when you were 7 because a boy tried to kiss you at recess. What if your mom called you a “lesbian” when you were a teenager because you were building strong female friendships? What if the first love of your life was dependent on how obedient you were to her every demand and bizarre superstitions? Well, then motherly love becomes the stuff of fairy tales.
People are complex and layered. She was not always awful and immature. Sometimes she had moments of greatness too. But they are not enough to sustain. There is always a twinge when you see another mother and daughter out for lunch or a movie or at the nail salon, and you think, “How? How does that feel? What does that look like?” But you give up wishing and hoping because we can’t always be loved the way we deserve or need to be.
Instead, you have your own babies. And you raise them the way you needed to be. Full of joy, so many kisses and hugs for your babies, and you think, “Am I doing it right? Do they feel what I never felt?” You become the mother you never had. You become the mother you always wanted. You become the mother whose children know and believe with every fibre of their being that your love for them knows no bounds and is not dependent on them doing or being anything other than happy individuals. Because you love them, you put them first. Because you were always made to feel like a reflection of someone else, you will let them shine and claim their own spotlight.
For those who cry on Mother’s Day for all that could never be, you are not alone. There is peace and comfort knowing that you were and always are enough no matter what you were told.